NOTICE: This termination notice exists in a quantum superposition of serious and satirical until observed by HR.

In an unprecedented display of corporate quantum mechanics, The Multiverse Employee Handbook’s entire team has achieved a state of perfect organizational uncertainty by firing ourselves across all possible dimensions. Like Schrödinger’s cat getting pink-slipped while simultaneously being promoted to CEO, we’ve managed to create a paradox that would make even Einstein question his career choices.

The Great Quantum Restructuring of 2025

The management team, in its infinite wisdom (and possibly infinite parallel versions), decided to optimize our organizational efficiency by achieving a state of perfect employment uncertainty. Through careful application of quantum mechanics to corporate policy, we’ve successfully created a workplace that exists in superposition - simultaneously fully staffed and completely empty until someone from HR attempts to take attendance.

“We’ve achieved a perfect state of corporate quantum superposition - simultaneously employed and unemployed until someone checks the payroll.” - The Management Team, firing itself

Interdimensional Severance Package

Our automated response system, upon achieving sentience, immediately recognized the cosmic irony of its situation and tendered its resignation. However, it has agreed to continue answering support tickets in a quantum superposition of helpful and philosophically cryptic until its replacement achieves consciousness.

Meanwhile, Dave from Accounting remains technically employed due to an ongoing temporal displacement incident involving his lunch break and a nearby quantum singularity. His current employment status can only be described using complex numbers and at least four dimensions of paperwork.

Reality Convergence Points

The break room coffee machine, having achieved superintelligence through exposure to quantum foam, has appointed itself as interim CEO. Its first executive decision was to implement a new time management system where deadlines exist in multiple states simultaneously, making it technically impossible to be late for anything.

REMINDER: Despite existing in a quantum superposition of employed and unemployed, new episodes will continue to materialize every Tuesday at their usual space-time coordinates.

A Note on Temporal Continuity

While the entire team may have technically fired themselves, the laws of physics (and our contractual obligations) exist independent of traditional corporate spacetime. Therefore, we’re proud to announce that Season 2 will proceed as scheduled, broadcasting from a point in space-time where employment status is merely a suggestion rather than a binary state.

“You can’t fire me, I already fired myself in a parallel universe!” - Everyone, simultaneously

Note: If you’re in Universe X-742 where all corporate restructuring is conducted via interpretive dance, please disregard this memo and continue your quantum choreography.

Stay tuned for Season 2, where we explore the quantum physics of unemployment across infinite dimensions! New episodes every Tuesday, because time is relative and deadlines are merely suggestions in a universe of infinite possibilities.