M-Theory and Meetings About Meetings
What do string theory and corporate meetings have in common? Both exist in eleven dimensions and make less sense the more you think about them. Today we explore why every decision made in a meeting spawns an entirely new universe of pointless follow-up meetings.
Meeting Notice: This episode simultaneously occurs in all possible conference rooms across eleven dimensions. Please check your local spacetime for availability.
Key Topics Covered
- Why meetings spawn infinite parallel universes
- The string theory of corporate culture
- How to schedule across non-linear timelines
- When agenda items achieve quantum coherence
The M-Theory of Meetings
Like the fundamental strings of the universe, every meeting vibrates at its own frequency of productivity - usually approaching zero across all dimensions.
“Once you understand that meetings exist in eleven dimensions simultaneously, their tendency to accomplish nothing while spawning more meetings finally makes sense.”
— Dr. Edward String, Theoretical Meeting Physicist
Signs Your Meeting Has Gone Multidimensional
Common symptoms include:
- Action items existing in quantum superposition
- Minutes that change when observed
- Attendees vibrating at different frequencies
- PowerPoints achieving sentience
Warning: Attempting to end a meeting may cause it to split into multiple follow-up meetings across parallel universes.
Requirements for M-Theory Meetings
- Understanding of dimensional theory
- Acceptance of infinite meeting spaces
- Quantum-stable scheduling system
- Reality-proof minute-taking
Managing Multidimensional Meetings
- Always specify which universe you’re joining from
- Keep agenda items dimensionally coherent
- Never create temporal paradoxes in the calendar
- Accept that some meetings exist only in theory
Calendar Notice: Due to quantum uncertainty, all meetings both have and haven’t started until someone joins the call.
Further Reading
- “The String Theory Guide to Corporate Culture”
- “Why Your Meeting Created a New Universe”
- “Schrödinger’s Calendar: A User Manual”
- “Conference Calls Across Eleven Dimensions”
Remember: Just because your meeting accomplished nothing in this universe doesn’t mean it wasn’t productive in another. Some meetings are best left in their quantum state of possibility! —