Maintenance Notice: Interdimensional Printer Network
ALERT: Scheduled maintenance will affect all interdimensional printing services this weekend. Please plan accordingly and complete essential cross-dimensional printing before Friday at 17:00 SMT (Standard Multiverse Time).
The Interdimensional IT Department will be performing critical maintenance on the quantum network infrastructure that supports our cross-dimensional printing capabilities. This maintenance is necessary to prevent issues like last month's incident where the entire Q-sector received everyone's print jobs in triplicate and printed them using infinite paper.
Maintenance Schedule
- Start: Friday, October 21, 18:00 SMT
- End: Monday, October 24, 06:00 SMT
- Duration: 60 hours (accounting for temporal dilation)
- Affected Dimensions: All except Emergency Dimension E-12
Expected Impact
During the maintenance window, users may experience the following:
- Random materialization of documents in unexpected dimensions
- Temporary reversal of text direction and/or chronology
- Quantum paper jams that exist in multiple states simultaneously
- Brief periods where printers may become sentient
- Occasional temporal echoes of previous print jobs
"Remember, if your document appears upside down, it's probably printing correctly in a parallel universe." - Dave Chen, Senior Quantum Network Engineer
Contingency Measures
For urgent printing needs during the maintenance window:
- Emergency Dimension E-12 printers will remain operational (clearance level 3 required)
- The retro-analog printer in the basement of Timeline A still works with standard paper
- Interdimensional courier services will be available for critical document delivery
- Telepathic document transmission remains unaffected (where licensed)
IMPORTANT: Please do not attempt to fix quantum paper jams yourself. Our maintenance team is certified in handling documents existing in quantum superposition.
Post-Maintenance Benefits
Following this maintenance, users can expect:
- 50% faster cross-dimensional document transmission
- Improved quantum color calibration
- Reduced probability of accidental document time travel
- New support for non-Euclidean paper formats
- Enhanced reality-stabilization for printed materials
Preparation Guidelines
Before maintenance begins:
- Complete all pending print jobs
- Save quantum toner by printing in mono-dimensional mode when possible
- Back up important documents to your local timeline
- Update your quantum printer drivers to version ∞.2.7
