The Great Printer Convergence of 2024
NOTICE: This is the official incident report regarding the events of October 8, 2024, when all interdimensional printers briefly existed at the same point in spacetime. The resulting paper jam transcended conventional physics.
At approximately 14:42 SMT (Standard Multiverse Time) on October 8, 2024, a cascade of quantum entanglement errors led to what is now known as the Great Printer Convergence. This unprecedented event caused every printer across all known dimensions to temporarily occupy the same physical space in our primary break room.
Initial Trigger
Investigation reveals the following sequence of events:
- An intern in Dimension C-137 attempted to print a document while using the "Print to All Known Realities" setting
- Simultaneously, a quantum maintenance script was running its routine "Reality Check" procedure
- The collision of these processes created a temporary singularity in the printer network
- All printers across the multiverse began gravitating toward a single point in spacetime
"I just wanted to make sure everyone got the meeting agenda. I didn't realize 'All Known Realities' actually meant ALL known realities." - Tim Johnson, Interdimensional Intern
Immediate Effects
- 427,386 printers simultaneously occupied a space roughly 2 cubic meters in size
- A temporary break in the space-time continuum around the paper tray area
- Every print job from every dimension attempting to print simultaneously
- The creation of a self-aware paper jam that began questioning its existence
- Several toner cartridges achieved consciousness before quickly depleting themselves
Reminder: When printing to multiple realities, always check the "Maintain Dimensional Separation" checkbox to prevent printer convergence.
Collateral Impact
The convergence resulted in several unexpected side effects:
- All printed documents became quantum-entangled, making paper recycling extremely complicated
- The break room briefly existed in 11 dimensions simultaneously
- Coffee from the nearby quantum coffee machine began printing TPS reports
- Several maintenance contracts spontaneously rewrote themselves to cover infinite dimensions
- The printer warranty department had to hire additional staff across multiple timelines
Emergency Response
The Interdimensional IT Department implemented the following emergency measures:
- Deployment of quantum entanglement breakers to separate the unified printers
- Emergency reality anchoring to prevent further dimensional collapse
- Implementation of the "Ctrl+Alt+Reality" universal reset procedure
- Distribution of specially treated safety glasses that allow viewing of quantum paper jams
"In my 15 years of interdimensional IT support, I've never seen a paper jam exist in so many states of being simultaneously." - Sarah Chen, Senior Quantum Support Specialist
Remediation Steps
To prevent future convergence events, we have implemented the following measures:
- New quantum-harmonic stabilizers installed in all printers
- Reality-check protocols now run on a staggered schedule across dimensions
- Mandatory training on proper multiversal printing protocols
- Installation of dimensional dampeners in all break rooms
- Updated printer drivers to include paradox prevention algorithms
Lessons Learned
- Always verify your dimensional printing settings before clicking "Print"
- Keep quantum entanglement breakers within reach of all printers
- Regular reality alignment checks prevent cascading convergence
- Never attempt to clear a quantum paper jam without proper certification
IMPORTANT: If you notice your printer beginning to phase between dimensions, immediately engage the reality anchor and submit a ticket to IT Support.
