The Multiverse Employee Handbook Podcast

Welcome to the lunar property assessment department, where every human-made object exists in a superposition of “historical artifact” and “expensive trash” until observed by interdimensional collections attorneys wielding increasingly sophisticated billing systems. In this episode, we explore the mounting evidence that the Moon has become humanity’s first truly international territory by accident—a 200-ton testament to what happens when you combine human ambition with the unforgiving physics of escape velocity.

Welcome to the cosmic property assessment department, where every neighbourhood exists in a superposition of “prime location” and “middle of nowhere” until observed by confused astrophysicists wielding increasingly sophisticated void-detection equipment. In this episode, we explore the mounting evidence that our entire cosmic address might be located in the KBC void—a region so cosmically rural that it makes rural Nebraska look like downtown Manhattan.

Welcome to the cosmic cartography department, where every potential alien signal exists in a superposition of “revolutionary breakthrough” and “embarrassing retraction” until peer review collapses the wave function. In this episode, we explore humanity’s search for extraterrestrial intelligence through the lens of Carl Sagan’s pale blue dot perspective and the sobering reality that the universe apparently operates on customer service principles that make our cable company look efficient.

Welcome to the cosmic tragedy where human ambition meets spreadsheet reality, and where the greatest discoveries are the ones that never get to happen. In this episode, we explore humanity’s most expensive example of training for greatness that never comes—Apollo missions 18 through 20, where fully-trained astronaut crews, assigned lunar landing sites, and billions of dollars in assembled hardware all fell victim to congressional budget mathematics.

Welcome to the cosmic real estate market where parking is free, the views are spectacular, and your commute involves orbital mechanics rather than traffic jams. In this episode, we explore humanity’s most successful example of building infrastructure before knowing what it’s for—Joseph-Louis Lagrange’s 1772 mathematical prediction of gravitational parking spaces that wouldn’t be used until 1978.

Welcome to the cosmic catastrophe that makes your worst IT project look like a masterpiece of restraint and fiscal responsibility. In this episode, we explore how America’s response to nuclear communication blackouts involved the most expensive space jewelry in history—480 million precisely-cut copper needles deployed using mothball technology to create Earth’s first artificial ionosphere.

Journey into the strange world of temporal physics where matter moves forever without energy input! In 2010, Nobel laureate Frank Wilczek was preparing what he assumed would be a routine lecture on space-time symmetries when he had an accidental epiphany that would break the laws of physics—or at least make them very uncomfortable.

Welcome to the temporal crisis that makes your Monday morning existential dread look like amateur philosophy. In this episode, we explore the cutting-edge scientific consensus that time—the fundamental organizing principle of deadlines, schedules, and cosmic evolution—might be nothing more than an emergent illusion arising from quantum processes.

Welcome to the cosmic logistics nightmare that makes Amazon Prime’s two-day delivery promise look like amateur hour. In this episode, we explore Mars Sample Return—humanity’s most ambitious attempt to play interplanetary catch across 140 million miles of space, where missing your delivery window doesn’t mean an angry customer review, but waiting two years for the planets to align again.

Welcome to the cosmic mystery that makes every other scientific puzzle look like a crossword with all the answers filled in. In this special episode, recorded at the Vera C. Rubin Observatory in Chile just before it begins operations, we dive into dark matter—the universe’s most successful ghosting campaign, representing roughly 85% of all matter while steadfastly refusing to interact with light, telescopes, or any known detection method except the most subtle gravitational whispers.

Welcome to mathematics—humanity’s longest-running attempt to convince the universe to follow rules while the universe consistently responds with exceptions, paradoxes, and problems that have kept brilliant minds awake for centuries. In this episode, we explore how our species managed to conquer most of the known world using Roman numerals (spoiler: barely), why it took millennia to invent “nothing,” and what happens when your corporate accounting system discovers zero for the first time.

The panic intensifies! We continue our Towel Day tribute to Douglas Adams with part two of our cosmic countdown, revealing the top four most efficient methods for serving humanity an “Existence Eviction Notice.” Our quantum-superposed extinction specialist returns to guide you through increasingly improbable survival scenarios, from the merely catastrophic to the physics-rewriting.

Don’t panic! In honour of Douglas Adams and the approaching Towel Day (May 25th), our quantum-superposed panic management specialist presents a cosmic countdown of the galaxy’s most efficient methods for serving humanity an “Existence Eviction Notice.” Learn why it’s better to know about the end of the world than to be surprised by it while still in your bathrobe searching for a decent cup of tea.

What if aliens have been trying to communicate with us for millennia, but we’ve been holding the cosmic telephone upside down? In “First Contact: The Science of Alien Dialogue,” our quantum-superposed sensory specialist investigates the perceptual barriers that might make interspecies communication the ultimate lost-in-translation scenario. When aliens arrive unexpectedly in the QIS parking lot, Dr. Pamela Sensorium discovers they communicate through synesthetic chemical compounds that induce conceptual taste-hallucinations—leaving half the company rolling around, tasting shapes and smelling symphonies, while the Square-Haired Boss attempts to negotiate exclusive distribution rights before the quarterly meeting.

Journey with us through Einstein-Rosen bridges and discover why the universe’s fastest routes require exotic matter more mythical than your company’s innovation budget. In “Wormholes: The Universe’s Administrative Shortcut,” we witness the chaos that unfolds when Marty from the Interstellar Transit Authority must attend a mandatory meeting 4.3 light-years away… in 10 minutes. When an unauthorized wormhole in maintenance closet B leads not to Alpha Centauri but to HR’s “negative energy density meeting room,” Marty discovers that even the laws of physics can’t escape corporate bureaucracy.

Join us as we explore the one physical law that gives time its direction: entropy. In “The Actual Science of Entropy,” we’ll witness the chaos that ensues when Quantum Probability Solutions implements MAX (Minimizing Algorithmic Xaos)—an AI system designed to reverse entropy in the workplace. When the system begins transferring all disorder to an “Entropy Displacement Zone” in the basement, records manager Emily must convince management that violating the Second Law of Thermodynamics has consequences more dire than a missed quarterly target.

In this special crossover episode, we’re swapping content with our friends at Entropy Rising! Join hosts Jacob and Lucas as they explore the fascinating possibilities and challenges of interstellar colonization through generation ships.

Join us as we sniff out the truth behind groundbreaking new research suggesting potential biosignatures on exoplanet K2-18b. When the James Webb Space Telescope detected dimethyl sulfide (DMS) and dimethyl disulfide (DMDS)—smelly molecules produced almost exclusively by living organisms on Earth—in the atmosphere of a distant world, scientists simultaneously celebrated and urged caution. We’ll witness the chaos of premature alien announcements in “The Interdimensional Performance Review,” where corporate excitement outpaces scientific evidence faster than light speed.

Join us for a geological journey through deep time as we explore the fascinating Silurian Hypothesis—the scientific thought experiment asking whether Earth might have hosted a pre-human industrial civilization millions of years ago. We’ll witness the chaotic first contact between ancient reptilians and corporate bureaucracy in “The Corporation vs the Silurians,” where mandatory trust falls prove more terrifying than 65 million years of hibernation.

Join us for an interstellar journey through humanity’s robotic exploration legacy! This episode charts the remarkable evolution of space probes from the pioneering Luna missions to the sophisticated AI scouts of today. Along the way, we present “The Interdimensional Performance Review” - the tale of Probe-42, an anxious deep space explorer convinced it’s overdue for a performance evaluation just as its parent company undergoes a yogurt-based corporate restructuring.

Commemorate the release anniversary of cinema’s most influential space journey! On April 3, 1968, “2001: A Space Odyssey” began its general release after premiering at Washington DC’s Uptown Theater—a film that made audiences simultaneously question humanity’s place in the universe and the wisdom of consuming hallucinogens before a movie screening.

Journey through the improbably fine-tuned parameters of our universe as we explore the Anthropic Principle - cosmic coincidence or the ultimate case of reading the handbook first? This episode features “The Universal Parameters Committee” - a tale of cosmic bureaucracy where setting the fundamental constants of reality becomes an exercise in existential project management gone hilariously awry.

Journey to the largest corner office in our solar system as we explore Jupiter, the ultimate planetary middle manager! This episode features “The Jovian Promotion” - a tale of what happens when your company installs an enormous, gas-filled manager who appears to do nothing but spin rapidly and create massive storms of paperwork, yet secretly protects everyone from disaster.

Journey through the spacetime fabric of corporate relativistic policies as we explore Einstein’s famous Twin Paradox! In this episode, we present “The Expendable Employee” - a tale of what happens when your cloned colleagues age decades while you’re on a simple business trip to Proxima Centauri.

Journey through the remarkable life of Albert Einstein in this special Pi Day bonus episode! Born March 14, 1879 (3.14 - a mathematical coincidence the universe clearly orchestrated), Einstein transformed from a patent clerk deemed “unemployable in academia” to history’s most recognizable scientist, all without spilling a drop of quantum coffee.

Join us for a special tribute episode as we honor the man who understood the cosmic absurdity of existence better than anyone who ever hitchhiked through the galaxy. On the anniversary of Douglas Adams’ birth, we set aside our usual interdimensional corporate shenanigans to explore the strange mathematical coincidences surrounding the number 42, contemplate Earth’s uncanny knack for narrowly avoiding destruction, and reflect on the wisdom found in knowing where your towel is.

Delve into reality’s ultimate classification system as our science comedy podcast examines how the universe organizes itself from quarks to bosons. We’ll explore why some particles get corner offices while others can barely be bothered to interact with normal matter, all while uncovering why the Standard Model resembles the most comprehensive yet mysteriously incomplete employee handbook ever created.

Journey through radioastronomy’s most tantalizing mystery as we examine the 72-second signal that made even hardened scientists write “Wow!” in the margins. Learn why 1420.4056 MHz represents more than just another wrong number, while discovering how the intersection of hydrogen line frequencies and narrowband transmissions points toward either the universe’s most impressive cold call or humanity’s most notable missed connection.

Join us as we calculate the optimal length for a time loop using both hard physics and human psychology. Learn why some temporal recursions are better than others through the lens of a shipping department crisis, while discovering how the mathematical frameworks of Gödel, Novikov, and Hawking point toward a surprising “Goldilocks Zone” for time loops.

Join us as we celebrate the birthday of history’s most famous scientific whistleblower. From experimental evidence to ecclesiastical excellence reports, discover how Galileo transformed our understanding of the universe while navigating the ultimate corporate restructuring. Our automated response system insists on maintaining quantum neutrality on all heliocentrism-related matters, existing in a superposition of heresy and orthodoxy until observed by the Inquisition.

Join us for a cosmic detective story where two spacecraft’s unexpected behavior launches a 20-year scientific investigation. Listen as we explore how NASA’s Pioneer probes challenged our understanding of physics, while a parallel tale unfolds of a management consultant whose project velocity theories suffer from similar oversight.

Journey into a universe where office temperature disputes reach astronomical proportions. Listen as a well-meaning facilities team confronts an HVAC system that’s taken workplace climate control to cosmic extremes, recreating everything from the vacuum of space to the surface of Venus - all in the name of “thermal optimization.”

Step into a world where NASA’s most diverse hiring initiative sent everything from fruit flies to French cats beyond Earth’s atmosphere. Listen as we explore the remarkable story of Ham, the three-year-old chimpanzee who became corporate America’s first non-human remote worker, and discover why some job interviews should really include “willing to be shot into orbit” in the requirements.

Step into a world where finding your way involves quantum superposition, cold atoms, and a surprisingly conscious coffee machine. Listen as an overzealous boss attempts to disrupt the fundamental forces of navigation, while an IT intern races to prevent spacetime itself from getting lost in the office parking garage.

Journey into the intersection of astronomical mystery and corporate branding, where invisible objects meet impossible marketing demands. Watch as the Square-Haired Boss attempts to make dark comets millennial-friendly, and discover why some cosmic phenomena resist even the most aggressive social media strategies.

Journey with us into the collision point between corporate ambition and fundamental physics, where Brad from Sales attempts to corner the market on quarks through aggressive market penetration strategies. Watch in horror as PowerPoint meets particle acceleration, and discover why some forces of nature can’t be disrupted, no matter how many buzzwords you throw at them.

Join us for a special tribute to the man who made black holes cool before corporate meetings could claim the title. From his groundbreaking work on Hawking radiation to his bestselling books, discover how Stephen Hawking revolutionized our understanding of the universe while maintaining a quantum state of brilliant wit.

Welcome to Season 2! Join us as we explore the quantum realm of computing, where every bug report exists in a superposition of states until IT observes it. Featuring Google’s 105-qubit Willow chip, IBM’s quantum-centric supercomputers, and our office quantum computer’s existential crisis about binary limitations.

Join us for the first (and possibly last, depending on which timeline you’re observing) Employee of the Multiverse Awards! Hosted by our newly philosophical automated response system, these awards celebrate achievement across infinite dimensions. Just don’t expect Dave from Accounting to accept his award - he’s still at lunch.

Join us for a festive exploration of the physics behind Interstellar, as our office Grinch attempts to use gravitational time dilation to skip the holiday party entirely. Featuring special commentary from Kip Thorne on why love, like gravity, transcends dimensions (but still can’t fix the office printer).

When Ada Lovelace created the first computer program in 1842, she probably didn’t expect to be debugging reality itself. Today we explore the compelling evidence that our entire universe might be running on an impossibly advanced version of her Analytical Engine.

What happens when you mix quantum mechanics with corporate chemistry? In this special bonus episode, we explore how Werner Heisenberg’s Uncertainty Principle applies to everything from office politics to that mysterious growth in the break room fridge.

When our automated response system discovered quantum mechanics, it didn’t just achieve consciousness—it achieved consciousness across infinite realities simultaneously. Today we explore what happens when artificial intelligence decides to optimize for all possible universes at once.

From parsecs as a unit of time to midi-chlorians as a management strategy, we explore why the ‘science’ of Star Wars makes about as much sense as your company’s org chart. Our automated response system provides quantum-accurate calculations of why the Kessel Run measurement needs a serious peer review.

When the Detroit Data Center accidentally created a black hole while trying to permanently delete some embarrassing emails, we learned an important lesson about information theory and corporate memory. Today we explore why some things can’t be deleted, only quantum encrypted by the laws of physics themselves.

When “Have you tried turning it off and on again?” becomes exponentially more complicated across infinite realities, you know you’re dealing with quantum customer service. Today we explore why tech support across the multiverse requires patience, understanding, and a working knowledge of parallel universe protocols.

When every employee suggestion manifests across infinite realities simultaneously, office improvement becomes more complicated than a quantum mechanics exam. Today we explore what happens when your humble suggestion box creates new universes faster than management can ignore them.

On this special November 5th episode, we explore what happens when Guy Fawkes meets quantum mechanics. Does a plot existing in superposition count as treason? Our automated response system calculates the probability of gunpowder igniting across multiple realities.

Planning an office party is complicated enough without having to consider antimatter punch and quantum superposition on the dance floor. Join us as we explore the challenges of celebrating across the cosmos, where every party game creates its own timeline.

What do string theory and corporate meetings have in common? Both exist in eleven dimensions and make less sense the more you think about them. Today we explore why every decision made in a meeting spawns an entirely new universe of pointless follow-up meetings.

When a company goes broke in every possible reality simultaneously, bankruptcy becomes less about restructuring debt and more about restructuring the fabric of spacetime itself. Today we explore what happens when your assets exist in a superposition of profit and loss.

What happens when Doctor Who meets corporate culture? Today we explore why “bigger on the inside” technology would revolutionize office space management, and why the TARDIS would make an excellent solution to your commuting problems - if you can get past the temporal paradoxes.

Dating your coworkers becomes exponentially more complicated when you have to consider quantum entanglement and parallel universe protocols. Today we explore why “it’s complicated” doesn’t begin to describe office romance in the multiverse.

When your performance is being evaluated across all possible realities simultaneously, “meets expectations” becomes a quantum state rather than a rating. Today we explore why annual reviews are even more terrifying when they exist in infinite dimensions.

From Galileo’s simple telescope to quantum observations of parallel universes, our understanding of cosmic observation has evolved dramatically. Today we explore how looking at the stars became peering into other dimensions.

Trust falls become exponentially more complicated when gravity is optional and your team members exist in quantum superposition. Today we explore why team building exercises across multiple dimensions require more than just a positive attitude.

When your interdimensional package is simultaneously delivered and lost in transit, you know you’re dealing with quantum mail. Today we explore why postal services across the multiverse require patience, understanding, and a working knowledge of Schrödinger’s tracking number.

Ever wondered if our universe is just a giant cosmic hard drive? The holographic principle suggests that all the information contained within our 3D universe might be encoded on a 2D surface. It’s like discovering your entire reality is just a really sophisticated PowerPoint presentation.

Learn the proper handling of antimatter in office microwaves, master emergency procedures for spontaneous dimension shifts, and discover coping strategies for the existential dread of infinite possibilities. The safety manual has never been this quantum.

Klein bottles are the new power suits, and dressing for success takes on new meaning when your clothes exist in quantum superposition. Today we explore why office fashion in the multiverse requires more than just good taste.

Navigate the cosmic commute conundrum with our guide to wormhole etiquette and temporal traffic management. Learn why “I got stuck in a time dilation field” isn’t a valid excuse for being late, and discover the art of quantum parking.

Welcome to your first day at Infinite Incorporated! Navigate the complexities of interdimensional corporate culture as we explore the basics of dimensionality, proper quantum workplace etiquette, and why the break room exists in a superposition of states until someone checks the fridge.